First of many...

My dad passed away on Dec. 16th. By the time Christmas came around, it didn't feel like the joyous season at all. Gifts were only exchanged with people outside of my parent's family and it was minimal and sort of pointless. I wasn't feeling any of it. But I did my best to put on a good face about it all. In the back of my mind I was already wondering what I would do for New Years Eve.

By reading this blog, I'm sure you know what my traditions are for New Years Eve. It's my favorite holiday of the year. Usually my parents come down and we go spend the whole day at Disneyland. Last year we brought my grandma who was still grieving for the lost of her husband, my grandpa. My Mom and husband are very gracious in letting my Dad and I indulge in our Disney-freakness.  It is more of my Dad and I than anyone else. Mr. Bumblebee and my Mom are just good sports. But my Dad was who I could count on to help me fill that Disney-addiction I had.

So I knew that I really wanted to continue to go to Disneyland on NYE. It would be what my dad would have wanted. To continue to hold that tradition for 12 years and keep it strong. However I knew how hard it would be for me to enter those gates without my partner-in-crime by my side.

Enter: Bestie.

She knew it was going to be hard, and even though she hates crowds...she offered to come with us and to make it a day of as much fun and remembering as possible. I think she secretly expected it was going to be hard but she knew how much it meant to me. So, we started to discuss it and of course, with the two of us, t-shirts were a must! As were the mouse-ears!

 I am so glad she offered to come! I'll be honest, it wasn't the same. I missed my Dad and I missed my mom, who had opted out understandably. But it was a whole new experience and just as fun.

We made shirts for everyone. Bestie, Bestie-Hubby, and Mr. Bumblebee all wore shirts that said "In Honor of Mike" while I wore a shirt that said "In Honor of Dad".

 It was pretty remarkable. Everyone was stopping us and asking us why we were wearing them, and although it sucked to have to bring it up over and over again, everyone seemed inspired by our tribute and that made me feel good. We did all the things we would have done with my dad. It truly felt like he was with us.

I'm so grateful for these people. They'll never know how much they mean to me. And they were pros at spending a day at Disneyland on the busiest day of the year.

When it was time to get mouse ears, I bought a pair for my dad to put out at his services, which were held on Jan, 3rd. It was hard to see them made.

My sweet husband had a very special relationship with my dad. I was always very appreciative of what they had together and now I am so much more aware of how lucky the two of them were. Mr. Bumblebee hates to dress alike. But when I asked him about our idea, he said it was perfect. He wore that shirt proudly and thus it makes me proud. My dad always said, to everyone, he was the son he had always wanted.

 My bestie and I got hats to go with our shirts. <3

Half way through the day we decided to head back to my house and take a nap. The boys decided to ride motorcycles but me and the bestie took a good hour nap. Woke up and we were ready to party....tequila?

We decided to bar hop our way back to the parks from the hotels and boy was that fun and entertaining. 

Once we got into the parks, we found our way to the Small World area (as is tradition in my family) and we danced the night away and had a good time people watching.

However, when the year changed, and the fireworks started...so did the waterworks. Its one of many "firsts" for me. First Disneyland trip without my dad, first chimichanga without my dad, first new year...without my dad.

No matter how much people tell me that there is a bigger plan, and that everything happens for a reason...I will never accept that. I willl never believe for a heart beat that what my family has gone through somehow serves as part of a greater plan. Call me selfish, bitter, whatever. I am convinced that my Dad SHOULD have celebrated this and many more new years with me. He SHOULD be here.

I love you dad