I've lost several people who have been close to me throughout the years. I've always been very strong to get through those difficult times as my heart hurts. However, with my dad passing...the hurt is different. It's unbearable and suffocating.
I also tend to make drastic decisions when I am hurting. Like I'll go hack 6 inches of hair off. However this time...I took it to a whole new level.
No one knew of my decision but a select few. I had mentioned it right after my dad passed, like a few hours. Mr. Bumblebee immediately said "You are grieving...give yourself some time before you decide something so drastic." I realized I was gonna have to go rouge and I was dead set on doing this. So after the memorial service, I quietly declined a few family invitations so I knew I'd be alone. I called up my bestie to hold my hand and we did the following...
Did it hurt? Like hell, but it in a good way. I love having it there and I don't regret. It feels good that in some way, my dad is going to be with me every step I take. I know he is.
I just miss him.