Crushed

I am in shear disbelief and shock right now. I don't even know what to say. I have to write (type) this out so it feels more real to me because I just can not grasp this concept.

I hated where I used to work. I hated the work I used to do. But I loved loved loved my coworkers so I put up the good fight and stayed. I stayed until we had to move. My direct boss "T" was so cool and so sweet. She always invited me out to drink after work and hang out, but I didn't always take her up on it since she WAS my direct boss. She even made it to my wedding.

Today I get up and go onto myspace.com and I see this post that say RIP T. I thought to myself, what an attention whore and even considered writing her back how sick of a joke that was. Plus, I even considered maybe her profile got hacked or something.

Tonight, after taking down Christmas decor I logged back on to myspace and saw that it was her brother who posted, and list all the funeral information. ::shock::

"T" was 24 years old. She had worked her ass off in college and was becoming a CPA and was an accounting manager at my last job. She had a long time relationship whom she lived with and one of the most unique personalities I've ever come across. I've even tried to be more like her since I looked up to her so much.

She had this vacation planned to go to Cabo for a while now, since before I left. She went and when she got back she got really sick. Typical right. She went to the doctors and was given antibiotics and painkillers. The next day she was rushed back to the hospital and her heart stopped 4 times on the 23rd. She made it through to the 24 but died around midnight.

How does this happen? I don't know much else and it's so hard for me to deal with since I heard it on myspace, but how does this happen? I called all my other coworkers but since the second bulletin didn't go up till 11, most people aren't answering their cell phones. I just talked to her. She was anxious to do a margarita night with me. We just talked!! I don't understand how God can justify this sort of thing. I am sure he can, but I don't understand it at all. She had built such a promise-filled life for herself, she worked so hard...how is this fair? I don't know how to feel. I'm so much in shock, that there is no room for sadness. I'm sure when I attend her funeral it will be sad. But right now my head can not wrap around something like this. Go on vacation...come back...dead? And if she was in the hospital that long, how did it get so bad that she died after being there for that long? I wish I had more answers at this point.

I don't know what else to write and I can't go to sleep. I've been dealing with this for about 2 hours now, and its still just as unbelievable as it was the second i read the funeral post.


RIP T
I am going to miss our bagel and monster mornings.
I am going to miss our Ma'am talks.
I'm going to miss you.